Medical school has been an amazing opportunity for me to learn so much about the human body and to utilize my capabilities to serve humanity. I am very thankful that I was selected out of the several thousand candidates (for my school), and I'm striving daily to learn as much as I can so that I can better serve my future patients. While I may complain about how difficult this is or how much time I spend, I love what I'm doing. I love going to clinic and feeling like I made a difference in someone's life that day. I love knowing that I will have a job someday (how much I will make by the time I'm through the system is quite another story), and knowing that I can travel anywhere in the world to help others. Life is good.
But then there are days when what I learn makes me sad, scared, or angry. When I hear stories from my clinical classmates of parents being mean to their kids in front of the pediatrician - who knows what happens behind closed doors? When I see the inequalities that exist here in America, and understand the impact that has on someone's health - and life. And today, when I was learning more about rheumatoid arthritis - an autoimmune disease that you've probably heard about. General knowledge is that rheumatoid arthritis causes damage and pain in the joints. Someone very near and dear to my heart has been living with RA for several years and I never thought much of it. She's controlling her disease with medications and occasionally has flare-ups. But then I read it: "Death comes early and compared to the general population, women lose 10 years, men lose 4 years." And then it moved on to talk about the specific autoantibody of rheumatoid arthritis, but I stopped.
If you know me well, you know I care deeply about people. My feelings for the average Joe on this planet are multiplied infinitely when it comes to close friends and family. At the ripe age of 25, I have become very realistic about time and death. I observe lifestyle choices and understand the impact those have on each individual. I know there's a life beyond this world, but right now my humanly body isn't ready to lose those who are closest to me. I remember the day my mother lost her mother. It is very vivid in my mind. I'm not ready to feel those feelings, and I'm not ready to lose my closest companions.
So when I read those simple statements, and I know someone who suffers from those ills, it really hits me. Hard. The worst feeling is knowing there's nothing I can do about it. It's the truth, and it's ugly.
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